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Showing posts from May, 2013

Excerpt from "Diary of a Wanted Woman"

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Dear Diary,

Anne Frank said parents can only give good advice or put their children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. I believe this is true even if the advice the parents gave or the path they led their children on was a hard and dangerous one. My mother was known to tell me on multiple occasions that I was worthless. She made it her business to make me feel like I was nothing and was wanted by no one. She didn’t want me and neither did my father. Mt stepfather on the other hand wanted me more than he wanted my mother. I was his pedophiliac fantasy and that made my mother hate me even more. She never saved me from his advances though she blamed me when she awoke and he wasn’t in bed with her. As I grew older I realized that my mother was wrong. I was wanted. Men gravitated to me and would do anything to get me. It has always been this way. Men always noticed me and I noticed them.  I loved that feeling. I loved it when a man saw…

Alone

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From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring.
From the moment I stepped into this world I never felt like I was the same as anyone else around me. Though we all came from the same mother… I was different. They all made me painfully aware that I was different. As a child I felt alone. I didn't feel a part of this family. My family didn't do very much to change that opinion. They called me an Oreo, lame or implied that when I became an adult I would be an inconsiderate snob. Amongst my friends I felt different. My mother told me it was because I had older siblings so I was a little bit more mature than my counterparts. I wasn't sure what it was I just knew that I didn't think or feel the way they felt. I didn’t see things the way they saw them.
From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone.
I used to…

D is for Deviant

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is for Deviant

Sexual deviant to be exact.

So what is the societal definition of the sexual deviant? According to most dictionaries and most sources I found that a sexual deviant means a person with characteristics that vary from what is considered standard or normal when it comes to sex. Normal. What is normal when it comes to sex? What is the standard? There are some that think because I don’t mine a little kink, S&M or bondage once in a while that I’m a sexual deviant. Some people think that if you are attracted to the same sex that you are a sexual deviant. Society dictates that what is considered to be normal. Most often society decides that what is normal relates to what is considered to be religiously moral. Despite the fact that not everyone believes the same religion or that some people do not follow a religion at all. What is moral to them is conventional boring sex between a man and a woman. In that sense, any sex by a person other than missionary position only to procreate …

The Celibacy Chronicles: Failure

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Failure
I am celibate… because I don’t want to fail. My greatest fear in the world is failing. I hate to fail. Since I was very young I prided myself on being a good girl. I obeyed my parents and did everything right. I never failed. I went out of my way to be perfect. Yet deep down inside I held onto a secret. My secret ate away at me from the inside out. It burned holes in every part of me it touched and I wanted more than anything to be done with it. I found early on that I was never attracted to boys. I went on dates with them, but I never felt physically attracted to them like of the girls did. Oh they fawned over boys and dreamed about the most popular boy in school asking them out. I never had that problem. I felt like I was failing as a girl. One night at a sleepover, I realized that I was definitely different than the girls I knew. My friend and I had to share her bed while our other friends slept in sleeping bags on the floor.  While we slept, her body touched and rubbed up against…