Prohibited...my breakthrough

-

For the first time in my life, I have thrown caution to the wind and not thought what other people are going say about me.

I just wrote, completed, published and sold my very first novel Prohibited! I am excited, relieved, anxious, and nervous. Some days I do not know what to do with myself. 

I am so afraid of people not liking my book.  I am afraid they will read it and think that it sucks and they never want to read anything else from me again.

I believe that is what stopped me from completing my book sooner.  I was always afraid.  I do not like rejection and I do not like it when people judge or criticize me. That is why I pride myself on not placing judgment on people

That fear kept me paralyzed for awhile. Sometimes I would be in tears thinking that I would never make it.  I just wanted things to be safe and comfortable. I didn’t want to move out of my box.  I wanted to keep my stories, ideas and my characters to myself.  They have loved with me and only me for so long. I love them and I love their stories.

I didn’t know what I would do if people got to know them and they didn’t like them.  It would hurt and I do not like to be hurt by anyone. 

I needed someone to snap me out of that and help me to realize that my fear of people not liking my characters is more of a reflection of people not liking me.  in order for me to get over this rut that I was in and just write and share my stories with the people I love (and a crap load of strangers).

I have to learn to put myself out there and take all the criticism and rejection on myself.  When I can get the courage to put myself out there I can find the courage to put my writings out there for the world to see and criticize and judge or whatever they wanted to do.

So, finally…I completed my first novel and it has been selling.  And, some days I am nt sure how I feel about that. I think that Prohibited is an amazing story and I can’t wait for everyone I know to read it but…

There is still that selfish feeling nagging me.  It makes my heart beat and my mind scattered and unfocused.  Yet, I am pushing ahead and waiting on that first good review and …gulp—my first bad review.

I’m trying to grow a tougher skin and have confidence that I am a good writer and that not everyone is going to like what I am doing.

That’s fine and for once it’s not going to stop me!

Popular posts from this blog

The Erotic Housewife Checks IN: The Depression of a Writer

-
“You cannot be a good writer of serious fiction if you are not depressed.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr We all know the old stereotypes of the tortured artist, the alcoholic writer. They play into the belief that artistic creative types seem to be more depressed or are more susceptible to mental illness than the average person. Those old stereotypes may not have been too far off from many famous authors, poets and painters. When you think of Hemingway, Poe, Keats, Proust and Van Gogh, you don’t always think of their genius. More often than not you also think about their lives and how each one obviously suffered from some mental illness or depression. it almost makes depression seem glamorous, yet it isn’t glamorous to the person that suffers from it. I know from experience. I am not ashamed say that on occasion I suffer from depression. Okay…more often than that. It is something that has plagued me for quite a long time. As long as I can remember, I never understood it. When I...
More Craziness!

I is for...

-
Image
I had written and scheduled a post for today for the Writers of Kern Blog challenge, but something happened this morning and I just had to write about it.   is for... Incomprehensible “You never know how quickly a life can be taken away until you see for your own eyes…” In 7 th grade I remember playing in the gym with my friends only to look over and see a 6 th grader sitting against a window alone. He looked really familiar and then it hit me. That 6 th grader looking so out of place was my uncle, Willie Cobb Jr. Born 4 days before me, he was the son of my Grandfather Willie Cobb Sr. (half black and Native American) and Dora Santana ( Mexican) I know it sounds strange but my mother’s youngest brother was my age. It was difficult growing up to see him as my uncle… but he was. I walked over to him and sat down. I ditched my friends because he was family and he was alone. He had just transferred to my school unbeknownst to me and I...
More Craziness!

My Sexual Journey

-
Image
My sexual journey began at a very young age. I was definitely a precocious child and began to have sexual feelings at an early age. Sex was not discussed in my family but it was definitely going on frequently. There are 9 of us and by the time I was 10 years old I already had about 5 or 6 nieces and nephews. There is plenty of sex gone on but no one was talking about it. So I obeyed the family example kept all my fillings to myself. An early age I use have sexual feelings for select girls. I was very interested in boys but  on occasion I would become attracted to girls. I shrugged it off and thought it was a phase. I prayed it was a phase. Coming from a  Baptist family and a society that says what I felt was bad…I prayed and prayed and prayed. By the time I was in high school I was utterly tormented by my feelings. I hated myself for finding women attractive. I utterly, violently wished that I was someone else. In high school, I kissed my first girl and that drove me in...
More Craziness!