Yellow Flicker Beats

And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home. People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes. I’m done with it…

I bobbed my head to the beat as the smooth smoky voice of Lorde spilled through the speakers of my car. I loved this song. Yellow Flicker Beat had been my theme song for the last few days. I was listening to it on my drive to work at the Irwin Memorial Library on campus. I was a circulation clerk tasked with the responsibility of checking in books as well as being yelled at by patrons wondering why they had to pay $50 for two lost books.
I let the music soothe me as I sat through horrendous traffic. It wasn’t going to please Greta. Librarians don’t like it when you show up for work late. They are a punctual bunch. I started to sing the words out loud when suddenly my music was interrupted by ringing from my speakers. I had my blue tooth from my phone connected to my car. I didn’t want another ticket from using my phone while driving. Who would have thought they actually ticketed it for that.
 I didn’t recognize the number. I don’t answer calls from random numbers. I reached over and hit the side button on my phone to decline the call. After a few seconds my favorite song started to play again and I suffered through the torrent of the traffic. A half hour later I turned to the library parking lot. On my way inside my cell began to ring again.
“Well hey there belissima mia
Of course I recognized the voice. I could hear the slight Italian accent accompanied by a holier than thou aura.

“What’s up,” I said.
This is awkward, I thought. I was still upset at the way I acted with Rocco two nights ago. I never should have gone with him. I barely knew him. I’m not usually a give it out to anyone type of girl.  Though, it was some of the best sex I had in a very long time. I’m happy my overconsumption of alcohol didn’t affect my memory. The next morning I awoke alone. I wasn’t surprised. He didn’t seem like he really wanted to be there in the first place. It seemed like being with a poor black girl was new for him.
“I was wondering if I could see you today.”
His words threw me off. It didn’t however over shadow one little thing…
“How did you get my number?”
He chuckled.
“I know people who know people.”
“Now why would you want to see me tonight?”
I was very curious about what his answer would be.
“Well, I had an exceptionally incredible time on Saturday and I was hoping that we could discuss repeating that night over dinner and wine.”
I smiled.
“So, you want to take me to dinner and then fuck.”
I heard him laugh.
“Cool. Meet at my place at 6. Bring Chinese and don’t be late.”
“I’m never late. Ciao,” he said.
The call ended and I felt butterflies in my gut. It was a strange way to feel about a booty call, but I knew I was excited.
Later that evening, I paced my living room. It was almost six o’clock and I was actually nervous. I ran back to the bathroom multiple times to fix my hair.
At exactly 6pm, there was a knock at my door. I straightened my skirt and walked over to the door. I swung it opened and leaning against the frame was a well dressed Rocco holding up a large bag.
Buonasera, Anna,” he said walking passed me into my apartment.
“I’m guessing that’s hi or something.”  I replied closing and locking the door.
He laughed.
“Something like that.” He placed a large bag on my living room table. “I brought dinner.”
“Grab that food and let’s head to the kitchen.”
He followed me into my kitchen and placed the bag on the table.  I grabbed plates and a bottle of wine.  I sat those on the table as he pulled boxes from the bag.  When I turned to retrieve a couple of wine glasses from the dishwasher, he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. He began to place kisses on my neck and my jaw line.
“So, no dinner first?”
“I want you now and I cannot wait. Two days was enough.”
He moved to kiss me on the lips and I turned my head.
“Wait, is this what we’re going to do now? Just meet up for sex?”
“I wasn’t under the impression neither of us wanted more than that.”
“I don’t want more than that. I just don’t like how you made the assumption I just wanted sex. Saturday was a fluke. I don’t normally do that on the first date.”
I don’t know why I was explaining anything to him. It didn’t really matter. I didn’t want anything more from him than sex. Yet, I felt a little disappointed.
He laughed
“Technically, that wasn’t a first date. You didn’t know me and didn’t seem to like me yet you insisted we have sex.”
“What are you implying?”
“I’m not implying anything. I am merely stating facts.” He said.
“Well, whatever.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to duplicate what we did Saturday night?”
I thought about that. He was such a douche and I should just leave him alone. However, I really wanted him.
I leaned over and kissed him. I pulled back in time to see his eyes closed. He opened them and smiled.
“Let’s take this to your bedroom.”
We entered the room and undressed. As soon as we were both naked, we climbed onto the bed began to make out. Kissing and caressing and pressing our bodies close together. They were entwined sliding sensuously against each other’s.
His lips traveled down my body until they reached the soft dark mounds on my chest. His tongue traced circles around my nipples. I gasped as his fingers found the soft and moist area between my legs. His touch was gentle and masterful. He knew his way around a woman’s body. This was a landscape he had traversed before and he explored me like the map of my body was burned into his mind.
He moved further south until his tongue replaced his fingers.
“Oh,” I moaned.
I couldn’t remember ever being touched this way before. My fingers slid into his soft jet black hair. I found myself holding my breath at times unable to deal with the pleasure I was feeling. He lifted his head and brought his lips to mine. They were soft and still very moist. I could taste myself with every kiss.
He slid himself between my legs and I knew then it wasn’t just a part of my drunken stupor. He was well endowed to a point it was almost scary. He pressed against me but he didn’t push for entry. He only wanted to tease me. He watched my face for any and every emotion.
“Do you want me to stop?” He asked. “I wouldn’t want you to get too attached.”
“Stop being an asshole.” I muttered
He laughed right before he entered me.
He groaned.
I cried out as he entered me. He was much more aggressive this time. He didn’t bother me with nice and slow in the beginning. He fucked me hard making sure to lift one leg over his shoulder.  I could hear my ass slapping against his thigh. He was masterfully hitting my G-spot in all the right places. I didn’t care at that point what kind of relationship this was. I just knew I wanted him to fuck me as much as possible. I had to admit to myself he had me hooked.
“You’re getting so close I can tell,” he said.
He was right. I could feel it like a volcano coming close to erupting.
“I want you to come for me. I want to feel your pussy squeeze me.”
He continued to fuck me aggressively.
I came gripping the sheets and trying very hard not to black out. My entire body shook.
“Oh Shit!” I exclaimed.
His moaning was louder and I could see it all over his face he was going to come and it was going to be mind-blowing. Suddenly he came and I could have sworn he stopped breathing.


“So are we just fuck buddies?” I asked Rocco.
We were lying in my bed after another session of incredible sex.  I expected him to leave immediately after but he insisted he was starving and still wanted dinner. Yet, here we were still in my bed.
He laughed at my question.
“Are we still in high school? Fuck buddies?” He continued to laugh.
“Arrogant jackass…” I mumbled under my breath.
His laughter stopped.
“You have an obsession with seeing me as a villain.”
“It’s not an obsession. I’m just stating facts.”
He rolled over on top of me.
“Facts? You don’t know me.”
I stared him right in the eyes. I refused to back down.
“Oh I know you. You’re a rich white Republican man living off your white privilege and money you were by your father. You are a card carrying member of the 1% who looks down the rest of us. You probably see me as some fantasy come true. I bet you brag about fucking some young black girl with the guys at the country club.”
I’m not quite sure where all that venom I just spit out came from. I really didn’t mean to be so vicious…even if it was true. He glared at me for a second without moving. Then he climbed off me and the bed. He began to put on his clothes. I sat up and leaned on one elbow.
“So you’re leaving?”
“Yes. I’m done listening to you.”
His face was red and his brow was furrowed. I can definitively he was not happy by my word choice.
“Look, I didn’t mean to say it like that. But you have to admit there is some truth to it.”
He turned to look at me as he buttoned his shirt.
“What you just said sounds like regurgitated liberal feminist bullshit. Too bad none of that pertains to me. If it makes you feel better to lie in your pool of self-righteousness go ahead but do your homework before making judgments.”
He walked out of my bedroom slamming the door behind him.
I sat there for a minute staring at the door. I knew I was going to have to apologize to him. I didn’t want to leave things like this.
I dropped my head to my pillow and began to sing my favorite song.
“We're at the start, the colors disappear. I never watch the stars, there’s so much down here.

So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart…”


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