My Top Ten Worse Kisses

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I love to kiss but I really hate to be kissed this way.

 

1.      The Sloppy Wet Kiss- The “I think I need a shower after this” kiss. One time I kissed a guy and his saliva was dripping down my chin. Gross!

2.      Darting Tongue Kiss- The “my tongue has a mind of its own” kiss.

3.      The Suck on my Tongue Kiss- It is not a kiss if you are just sucking on my tongue. It’s just not.

4.      The Stiff Tongue Kiss- It is weird if we are kissing and your tongue is just lying there. Put in some effort.

5.      The Teeth Licker- Licking my teeth just makes me feel uncomfortable and now I think you are weird.

6.      The Eyes Wide Open kiss- They kiss the entire time with their eyes wide open. You crack your eyes open for a second while kissing and notice them staring. Creepy!

7.      The crazy tongue kiss – they use their tongue to lick all around and on your mouth.

8.      The Toxic Breath Kiss- Please carry a mint or spray. Because your breath just made me vomit in my mouth.

9.      The Chapped Lips Kiss- You might be a good kisser, but I can’t tell because my lips are bleeding from the knives on your lips. It’s call chap stick…use it!

10.  The I Want To Choke You With My Tongue Kiss- I hate it when they try to shove their tongue down your throat. You’re not gonna like it when my gag reflex makes me vomit on you.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 6, 2013 at 9:43 AM

    I'm with you. A good kiss should be pretty straight forward. A little tongue, a little lip biting but generally simple and to the point. Anything more and the acrobatics get distracting. Find something interesting to do with your hands if you need to spice it up.

    ReplyDelete

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